Destiny Stark is Cartman's sister that he never knew about. She is a poet and a smartass, and a Chaos Professional. Butters is obsessed, Cartman is disgusted. Mrs. Broflovski is appalled, Kyle is interested.

Eric Cartman is the "fat kid" and the other kids constantly make fun of him because of his weight. He's also the stupid one who mixes things up and makes himself look like an idiot. He lives with his hermaphrodite mother who tries to make him feel better by feeding him "chocolate chicken pot pies" and "Cheesy Poofs". Eric owns a cat called Kitty and a pig named Fluffy. Throughout the year he searched to find out who his father was, only to realize that his mother was his father and his mother is unknown.

Kyle Brovlovski is the smart one. Everyone makes fun of him because he is Jewish. At Christmas he plays with his "imaginary" friend Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo. He owns an elephant and has tried to mate him with Cartman's pig, Fluffy to form a new species of pot-bellied Elephants. Each week he announces that Kenny's killers are Bastards.

Stan Marsh is a normal, average, American, mixed-up kid. He dates Wendy Testaburger but throws up every time she talks to him. He is the South Park Elementary Cows star Quarterback. He has a gay dog named Sparky and an older sister named Shelly who beats him senseless and accuses him of making fun of her "appliance". His aging grandfather also lives with him and continually pressures Stan into killing him. Every episode he announces Kenny's death by saying "Oh my god, they killed Kenny!"

Kenny McCormick is the unlucky one and dies a different way each episode. He is poor and lives in a run-down shack with his violent and drunken family. He is muffled when he speaks, and we are left only to guess at what he has said.

Butters Stotch is a school friend of the notorious four. He's usually stuttering and getting mocked by the four boys.

Mrs. Cartman is always ready to feed Cartman. She helps Cartman reinforce the idea that he's big boned. She is a Hermaphrodite, so she is actually Cartman's father. It is unknown who his mother is. She is known throughout town as a dirty-slut that has slept with the majority of the country. She has also appeared on the cover of Crack Whore Magazine.

Jenna Stark is Cartman and Destiny's mom, and Saoda's aunt. She is all female, and she was a bisexual newscaster in Canada. She is welcomed back into Mrs. Cartman's life, and moves her daughter and neice, who is staying with them while her parents are on an African Safari. She is a good mom. Just a little psycho. 

Mrs. Choksondik is they boys' new teacher. For some reason she refuses to wear a bra and everyone around her has to suffer whenever she lifts up her arms. The teachers of South Park Elementary keep trying to figure out a nice way to ask her to wear a bra.